Seek & You Shall Find!

I have been reading ‘The New Earth’ by Eckhart Tolle which has highlighted how destructive our ‘ego’ can be.  I have have often found myself given unwarranted importance or significance to situations in my life. I remember years ago being referred to as a ‘Drama Queen’. Deep down I wanted to be someone that ‘didnt sweat the small stuff’, wasn’t a worrier (that i thought I inherited from my grandma) or so sensitive. I envied girls in class that were quite ignorant and ditzy as they appeared to be carefree and not so analytical and caught up in crap!  I love the whole idea of turning it all into a ‘game’ and watching myself for when ’significance’ slips into my life.  I have seen clearly where I have been dramatic in my life in the last few years - it is obvious! And now that I am aware of this pattern, I’m going to take steps to turn this pattern around and turn it into a game. The most important ‘game’ that I play with myself is the ‘Law of Attraction’ & ‘Deliberate Creation’.  I will make some time in the day to be grateful for all the things I want more of in my life & then create a world of well-being whereby the ’significant’ issue do not exist.  I have always had a wonderful imagination & as a little girl I loved playing with daydreams of being a fairy and living in ‘fantasy land’.  So this my grown up version of a childhood game.  I now expect my situation (my mini ’drama’) to become non existant almost straight away as I have experienced these amazing changes in my life so many times now to prove that (using ‘the law of attraction’) its not merely a coincidence.

I cannot stress enough how valuable my last 8 sesssions have been with my Peer Coach.  He has inspired & empowered me in ways that I never thought possible.  For our final 4 sessions together he is supporting me to quit smoking.  This is something I’ve been trying to achieve for many year.  I expected the coaching process as a forum for me to voice some issues that may have been bothering me with the goal of them becoming ‘non’ issues.  I was hoping the coach would guide me to move forward past these issues. These may have been i) decisions to be made or ii) something that I may have wanted in my life or hoped to change.  Every single issue became a non issue in the space of 1 session.  He made me think about the necessary action that I was prepared and willing to take for the issue to be resolved and then held me accountable for this – by emailing him as soon as I had undertaken action. My coach is tremendously supportive and skilled in guiding me.  With his assistance I moved through many issues with clarity.  He has asked timely and appropriate questions that were necessary in empowering me & moving me forward.  He was very well-educated and experienced in ‘The Law of Attraction’ & the underlying principles which were a pre requisite for my learning & development & the way I wanted to be coached & to coach.  He was able to refer books when I was away on holiday.  And he was very warm and engaging & I felt a genuine rapport with him.  I also found that he was uncanny in asking all the right questions that enabled me to find my own answers. He held me accountable by asking me to follow up with emails and truly empowered me to make some bold changes.   Up until now the highlight has been when he assisted me to make a ‘holiday’ decision within half an hour, which I had been deliberating for weeks over.  I was booked on a plane within 24 hours for a trip in merely 2 weeks time. He guided me through my uncertainties, that were mainly fear and unnecessary obstacles that were stopping me from taking a well needed break.  Another highlight related to moving house/home twice during our coaching sessions.  This was a coaching moment based on the principles of ‘The Law of Attraction’.  The first move was into a place that I had previously visualized (and voiced to the coach beforehand) – yet I wasn’t specific at all about visualizing the bedroom. Only being in this new setting for 2 months I was very disheartened when it was time to move again, however the coach made me realize that the bedroom was far from ideal & something that I wouldn’t have manifested – therefore this was not my ideal home.  I am very happy to say that my second (and current) place is exactly what I wanted & manifested– bedroom and all!!  Waiman is a naturally gifted coach.

Waiman Yau
Inner Guru - Coaching Conscious Evolution
www.blog.innerguru.co.uk (blog)
www.innerguru.co.uk (website)

What is the truth? Your truth & my truth could be completely different. Opinions, judgement calls, perspective….  I pick up all the data & facts to support my truth & ignore everything else… It works..

When I have issues going on with my lovelife - I will always focus on stuff going on to support the way I feel. I have realised that because we create our future though, then we must always focus or look for the data that supports our lives ONLY in a positive way! Ignore the other stuff - even if they appear to be there now. If we ignore this, it will ALWAYS go away. We can determine our own truth - if it’s good for us.. then why the hell not?

Underlying Automatic Commitments can be positive or negative thoughts about ourselves. They can be fears that we are committed to or self serving beliefs.  Because I am of the mindset that ‘what we think about we bring about’ through the law of attraction, this coaching term (UAC) is testament of how we truly can bring about change in our lives.

We need to reframe any negative beliefs  that have been ingrained within us and prevent us from happiness.

I can honestly see how all of my limiting UACs have brought about all all negative outcomes in my life- demise of relationships etc.  My aim right now is for my coach to turn all the negative thoughts into positive ones - make new UACs…  Sounds simple doesnt it!?

As a coach we do require a level of confidence in our abilities.  I have never doubted my ability to help others seek clarity through their haze.  Yet my biggest obstacle is always managing to do it for myself.  I am excited that I start with my own peer coach next week & that my first coaching class of 2008 is in the next hour - and it’s ‘creating confidence’..

The aftermath of the holiday break is still proving to be a huge testing time for me.  I am trying to be positive and regain my self esteem.. After an inevitable break up (with him taking off down the coast & cutting off his phone on New Years Eve, with me knowing he would be hanging out with a long term crush of his)  was the final straw.  I realise that the demise was looming for many months.  But I would like to look back at this period with pride on how I have dealt with it and moved forward. 

Sounds simple doesnt it - goal setting…

I think the main thing I have learnt is that the goals I have tried to set in my life so far have often revolved around what I SHOULD do or what I have felt I NEED/ed to do.. as opposed to what I WANT/ed to do. I have been thinking alot about what I value most. Value driven goals are easier to achieve as they are aligned to what we really want in our lives & what truly will make us happy.

I value ‘love’ or ‘loving relationships’! I have always valued relationships and people close to me more than anything in the world. If I feel supported and appreciated then I smile and feel fulfilled. So this continues to be my goal. When I am unhappy its because I dont feel as though I have this in my life. It has made me realise that if I set goals to achieve this, it will enrich my life….I must keep this in the forefront of my mind.. so I am going to give myself reminders by writing it down so i can see this goal in strategic places. I am going to steer clear of goal hikackers - i.e. not allow myself in relationships that clearly prevent me from feeling loved (cull a few draining friends or people that dont deserve my energy)…

I have identified a few blocks/obstacles that stand in the way…. Now that I have recognised them, I am more aware of the hinderance they are at reaching success. I have rallied a few trusted supportive people (my mum & sister & a few close friends) to keep me on track.

My request - please send some positive energies and vibrations my way. The more thoughts towards my manifestation of having & feeling the love - the better! So greatly appreciated.

Maybe it’s irony… Deep down I have always known I have a skill in helping others through their haze and guiding them through their difficulties to gain a clearer picture and understanding of what is hindering their road to a more fulfiling life. For friends I have always given ’so called’ great advice… Preaching I do.. Practising, well that’s another story.

These past few weeks I have found myself in troubling territory, whereby I’ve needed to put into practice my ‘great’ advice that I would normally offer others. Without sounding like I am writing a letter to an Agony Aunt, I have gone through a testing period.

18 months ago I met an amazing person who I have been in a relationship with. He was actually everything I could have dreamed of. Not only did he possess every quality that I would want in someone, but he adored me and wanted a life with me. But there was a catch….He was 10 years younger than me. In the first 12 months this was not a problem as he wanted exactly the same things I did. We were looking at houses to buy together and there was his talk of getting engaged this year. And then it hit him! About 6 months ago he started to change and things slowly went up & down hill. I moved out (my choice) and he spent more bonding time with his mates. The relationship made me unfulfilled and slowed down and completely changed pace… It came to an end.

A case of meeting the perfect person and not having the perfect relationship that you envisaged for yourself. The last couple of weeks I have been trying to coach myself into achieving a wonderful relationship! I know that I can have it all. Dealing with loss has never been my strong point. So I am being tested.

I welcome any coaching tips!!??

I have really enjoyed learning about reframing perceptions…. I think this is a vital key in self development.  In counseling I used to call this downward spiralling… and the law of attraction describes this as ‘like attracts like’… Therefore the more negative thoughts you have then the more negative thoughts that keep coming your way.. And it’s very easy to keep spiralling downwards when you start perceiving something in a less than positive way.   In the past few months I have played many games with myself when I start to feel down about something.. I merely try and view it from another angle.  This week (for example) I was focusing on a group of friends that my partner hangs out with - that seem to have excluded me from their network  and it made me feel sad and worried that they did not like or approve of me.  However I have managed to look at this situation from a more empowering perspective… I am very loved and appreciated amongst my group of friends & know that I dont need to be liked by people that dont know me very well.  The people that do know me well are the ones that are important and I dont have the time &/or energy for recruiting friends that arent interested in really getting to know me.  And thats fine!!

Another student recently pointed out that I should try and refrain from talking about my past and to try and remember that the purpose of this blog should be about my journey and my progress through the Life Coach course. 

However,  I think my journey towards my decision to become a Life Coach (my life until now) is where I have done most of my learning…. Don’t get me wrong, as I know that there are always something new things to learn in life, yet the course (so far) has provided reinforcement.

When I was studying psychology I was frustrated at the science’s predominant focus of ‘the past’…. as opposed to the future!  Being proactive rather than reactive (to me) seems so much more inspirational and motivational.  I am all for giving attention to positives rather than rehashing negatives.  So far, my teleclasses and reading has reminded me the differences between Life Coaches as opposed to mentors, therapists or counsellors etc. 

 The other night someone asked me what my career path has been and how it’s led me here.  They thought my path has been extremely varied - and asked ‘how on earth did it lead to me wanting to be a Coach’… It all seems like a natural and obvious progression to me…

When I left highschool I pretty much went and studied Marketing.  Once qualified I thought the surfing and then entertainment industry would be my marketing gig…. Yet after working in London (for an actress), I thought it was more hype and facade than glamour.  The premieres, the freebies, the paparazzi, the good tables, the vultures and the ‘hangers on’ took it’s toll.  I was spending time in Hossegor, France and I realised that I wanted to return to my previous interest and passion of ‘helping people’.  I had done quite a bit of volunteer work before I started my Psych degree and loved the internal rewards.  I really felt as though I had something to offer people within this area.  My whole life I was the one my friends turned to for advice.  Little did I know though that my years of studying Marketing would become useful when starting my own business!  Marketing = understanding the needs of the market/individuals.  I thoroughly enjoyed my years as a counsellor as I felt I had a natural ability in hearing what people were either saying or not saying and the difficulties that faced them moving forward in their lives.  I love to organise others - so being an executive assistant is merely understanding someone else’s needs & helping their agendas.. whether it be daily agendas or overall agendas in their roles.  

A job that helps others reach their full potential is motivating!!  To my friends, collegues and loved ones I think I have always played the role as COACH…    I am finding the other students (on our discussion board, during classes or their blogs) are teaching me more than merely reading the core materials..  I will always be a student in life and welcome each week that the course brings…. 

This week I have found myself paying alot more attention to what people are really saying or not saying.  The course would call it Power Listening….  Last night I was at my boyfriends place for dinner (who is an incredible cook) and his friends started talking about religion.

It made me realise that many people are merely born into a religion and automatically adopt these beliefs as their own.  As we grow we subscribe to other kinds of trivial beliefs.  Often we attach our identity to these.  We all hold opinions on a range of many things… e.g. I think Powderfinger are a really cool band!!

On the otherhand, some of us dont ever really hold a strong belief system or faith on bigger matters. Many people dont often wonder about the ‘big’ questions.  Alot of people are happy just experiencing life at face value and letting the days, months and years unfold by distracting themselves with work or relationships or ’stuff’…. They seek out enjoyment and happiness by external ’stuff’ and dont wish to delve into life’s mysteries.  And then there are the religious, spiritual, astrological, psychological, philisophical and endless other ways we can try and gain some understanding or insight into ourselves, other people and/or life in general.  I have always been curious about the ‘bigger questions’ and I will always seek to get the most out of myself and in turn the most out of life.  As humans, we are curious by nature and if you dont seek then you wont find.I dedicate today’s blog to someone I commend for their strength and awareness.  Katie not only recognises her values and is clear about what makes her happy, she also knows that she has the power and ability to achieve anything her big heart desires.  She is a SEEKer and is truly inspirational!!  I am fortunate to have someone like her as an influence to my belief system.  Surround yourself with positive and driven people, who make you feel alive and passionate. Like attracts like….