Coaching the coach

Maybe it’s irony… Deep down I have always known I have a skill in helping others through their haze and guiding them through their difficulties to gain a clearer picture and understanding of what is hindering their road to a more fulfiling life. For friends I have always given ’so called’ great advice… Preaching I do.. Practising, well that’s another story.

These past few weeks I have found myself in troubling territory, whereby I’ve needed to put into practice my ‘great’ advice that I would normally offer others. Without sounding like I am writing a letter to an Agony Aunt, I have gone through a tough period.

 The last couple of weeks I have been trying to coach myself into achieving a wonderful relationship – with whoever it may be! I know that I can have it all. I deserve it all. Dealing with loss has never been my strong point. So I am being tested.

I welcome any coaching tips!!??

Reframing

I have really enjoyed learning about reframing perceptions…. I think this is a vital key in self development.  In counseling I used to call this downward spiralling… and the law of attraction describes this as ‘like attracts like’… Therefore the more negative thoughts you have then the more negative thoughts that keep coming your way.. And it’s very easy to keep spiralling downwards when you start perceiving something in a less than positive way.   In the past few months I have played many games with myself when I start to feel down about something.. I merely try and view it from another angle.  This week (for example) I was focusing on a group of people (close to my boyfriend) who I have been worried about that – thinking that they did not like or approve of me.  However I have managed to look at this situation from a more empowering perspective… I am very loved and appreciated amongst all my friends & I know that they probably only feel this way as they dont me very well.   And thats fine!! Deep down I know that if they spent quality time with me then they would approve and like me too!

Another student recently pointed out that I should try and refrain from talking about my past and to try and remember that the purpose of this blog should be about my journey and my progress through the Life Coach course. 

However,  I think my journey towards my decision to become a Life Coach (my life until now) is where I have done most of my learning…. Don’t get me wrong, as I know that there are always something new things to learn in life, yet the course (so far) has provided reinforcement.

When I was studying psychology I was frustrated at the science’s predominant focus of ‘the past’…. as opposed to the future!  Being proactive rather than reactive (to me) seems so much more inspirational and motivational.  I am all for giving attention to positives rather than rehashing negatives.  So far, my teleclasses and reading has reminded me the differences between Life Coaches as opposed to mentors, therapists or counsellors etc. 

 The other night someone asked me what my career path has been and how it’s led me here.  They thought my path has been extremely varied – and asked ‘how on earth did it lead to me wanting to be a Coach’… It all seems like a natural and obvious progression to me…

When I left highschool I pretty much went and studied Marketing.  Once qualified I thought the surfing and then entertainment industry would be my marketing gig…. Yet after working in London (for an actress), I thought it was more hype and facade than glamour.  The premieres, the freebies, the paparazzi, the good tables, the vultures and the ‘hangers on’ took it’s toll.  I was spending time in Hossegor, France and I realised that I wanted to return to my previous interest and passion of ‘helping people’.  I had done quite a bit of volunteer work before I started my Psych degree and loved the internal rewards.  I really felt as though I had something to offer people within this area.  My whole life I was the one my friends turned to for advice.  Little did I know though that my years of studying Marketing would become useful when starting my own business!  Marketing = understanding the needs of the market/individuals.  I thoroughly enjoyed my years as a counsellor as I felt I had a natural ability in hearing what people were either saying or not saying and the difficulties that faced them moving forward in their lives.  I love to organise others – so being an executive assistant is merely understanding someone else’s needs & helping their agendas.. whether it be daily agendas or overall agendas in their roles.  

A job that helps others reach their full potential is motivating!!  To my friends, collegues and loved ones I think I have always played the role as COACH…    I am finding the other students (on our discussion board, during classes or their blogs) are teaching me more than merely reading the core materials..  I will always be a student in life and welcome each week that the course brings…. 

Like attracts like….

This week I have found myself paying alot more attention to what people are really saying or not saying.  The course would call it Power Listening….  Last night I was at my boyfriends place for dinner (who is an incredible cook) and his friends started talking about religion.

It made me realise that many people are merely born into a religion and automatically adopt these beliefs as their own.  As we grow we subscribe to other kinds of trivial beliefs.  Often we attach our identity to these.  We all hold opinions on a range of many things… e.g. I think Powderfinger are a really cool band!!

On the otherhand, some of us dont ever really hold a strong belief system or faith on bigger matters. Many people dont often wonder about the ‘big’ questions.  Alot of people are happy just experiencing life at face value and letting the days, months and years unfold by distracting themselves with work or relationships or ’stuff’…. They seek out enjoyment and happiness by external ’stuff’ and dont wish to delve into life’s mysteries.  And then there are the religious, spiritual, astrological, psychological, philisophical and endless other ways we can try and gain some understanding or insight into ourselves, other people and/or life in general.  I have always been curious about the ‘bigger questions’ and I will always seek to get the most out of myself and in turn the most out of life.  As humans, we are curious by nature and if you dont seek then you wont find.I dedicate today’s blog to someone I commend for their strength and awareness.  Katie not only recognises her values and is clear about what makes her happy, she also knows that she has the power and ability to achieve anything her big heart desires.  She is a SEEKer and is truly inspirational!!  I am fortunate to have someone like her as an influence to my belief system.  Surround yourself with positive and driven people, who make you feel alive and passionate. Like attracts like….

Coaching others to attract whatever they want …

At the age of 19, I hopped on a bus with about $200 in my wallet and moved to the Gold Coast (a 24 hour drive north). I had no idea where I was going to live or work, but I knew I wanted to get out of Melbourne. I rented an apartment in Surfers Paradise within a few days & spent most of my days lying on a beach.  My reason for the move was wanting a new lifestyle – a new beginning.  The demise of a 4 year relationship was the main factor. He was a popular guy who was very well connected around my area… So I felt that I needed a new social scene away from the one I was reminded of back in Melb.This story may sound mundane right now and you may continue reading and say ’so what’… but I have absolutely nothing to gain by twisting facts.One warm night in early December my housemate arrived home and excitedly tells me that some Aussie ’celebrities’ visited the nightclub where she worked.  I remember talking with her and we both wondered why they were up visiting the Gold Coast – as most soap stars etc hailed from either Sydney or Melbourne.  The following night we were watching the tv when the Australian Music Awards came on (being filmed live from Dreamworld). The penny drops.. that’s why they were all up.  An audience shot zoomed in on 2 actors (a girl & guy) from the show ‘Neighbours’ and my housemate pointed to the screen and said ‘they were in last night’… To be honest, I hadn’t watched Neighbours since the ’Kylie Minogue days’ probably 5 years earlier.  I didnt recognise these actors, but I thought the guy in the audience camera shot was pretty cute!The following 3 weeks were spent psyching myself for my Xmas visit return home. I was a fit little bunny trying to get tanned & toned.  I spent ALOT of time daydreaming.  The daydreams were brief, but memorable. A few of  them I wrote in my diary. One day I ran into a lovely couple holidaying  from Melbourne (that I was introduced to through a friend).  I remember thinking how gorgeous the girl was and how I could picture her getting together with my ex.  Clearly I wasn’t over him fully.  I also started daydreaming alot about life back in Melbourne and how I would love it to be if I returned.  I envisaged myself coming back studying Marketing and meeting someone from a whole new scene. About a week before my return, on an afternoon sunbaking I daydreamed about xmas eve back home.  I thought it would be nice to go somewhere different – a whole new environment.. like the Chevron.  In my daydream, I walked into the Chevron and found myself talking from the guy from Neighbours (the cute one that was up on the Gold Coast a few weeks earlier).  Hey, it was my daydream so I could imagine anything I wanted to.  In the conversation we were having he asked all a few questions…. and I told him I lived in ‘Surfers’ and that i was going back up after xmas and spending NYE with all my friends in Byron Bay.  He said ‘what a coincidence’ as he was also going to Byron for NYE.  My daydream fast forwarded to Byron on NYE where I ran into him and we kissed at midnight and I then moved back to Melb to be with him and a whole exciting new scene.In reality, I came back to Melb and spent Xmas Eve at our local pub (The Beauy)… I saw my ex and his new girlfriend of 1 week (yes, the gorgeous girl I saw with her then boyfriend on the Gold Coast).. Hmmmmm .. After a few days back in Melb, all my friends were very excited to head back up to my new place of residence and spend some time partying… They couldnt believe that I had been living up there all those months and hadn’t ‘partied hard’ . The first night back up on the Coast we all headed out super early for cheap drinks.  We walked into a club at 7pm and found a corner to drink in.  The only people in the place were 4 guys sitting in the opposite corner.  As I looked over at them I noticed that one of them was in fact ‘the cute guy from Neighbours’.  I was shocked by it and told 2 of my closest girlfriends about my weird daydream a week or so earlier. Within half an hour, he came over and asked me if I wanted a drink.  We started chatting and he said that him and his 3 hockey mates arrived that day and were up for a 2 week holiday.  We spent every minute of the next few days (until NYE) together.  I went to Byron (as originally planned with my friends) on the day of NYE and decided (at the last minute) to go back to Surfers to see him.  I ran into his hotel at 11.55pm and gave him that midnight kiss.  I moved back to Melb and we went out together for the following 2 years whilst I was back at school studying Marketing. I could never tell him this story!!  I never understood it at the time …. Was I psychic?  Did I manifest it?  My life began a journey that was full of reading about such topics…. But little did I know that this was merely the first of many ‘bizarre’ experiences…..TO BE CONTINUED>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Everyone needs a Personal Assistant….

I’m one of the rare few in life who are genuinely happy in their job.  The culture and workplace at SEEK is so passionate, dynamic & uplifting.  I enjoy being an executive assistant as I love to organise people.  I enjoy coordinating schedules & I get a buzz from organizing events - functions & parties.  Some weeks have been very demanding and crazy – like the past month or so.  But then I have days here and there where I get time to surf the net & reconnect with friends & family via email or myspace or facebook (which I am torn between).  Finding a good balance between everything has been challenging since living on my own.  One day I will be a self employed Life Coach.  I have recently started my studies and I’m trying to manage my time so I can achieve all my goals.  For the past 2 weeks I have been seeing an amazing Life Coach, who is not only amazingly inspirational but whom I feel a genuine connection with.  Natasha Odnoral is a beautiful soul that has the ability to make you feel that anything is achievable .  www.empyreancoaching.com.au  One of the things we have been looking at has been time management.  I have noticed in the past few weeks that I have been letting people down or tasks are not getting completed.  This makes me feel uneasy as I LOVE to be organised.  Do I cull some friends who are too demanding of my time?  I haven’t had the time I would like to spend with my boyfriend or to do domestic chores or to be more active & fit or to give more time to studying or to take on extra work for a friend for extra cash or to catch up with family or to have energy at the end of this for some social nights out with friends…….. the list goes on….

Healthy voices in our head – NOISE!

Nature vs Nurture!  Such an old debate. I was born on the cusp of Virgo & Libra  (but how much does Astrology really play a part in who we are!?)…..  I was also born with traits that I may have received from the gene pool.  I could say that I was born super sensitive and worry alot… did that come from my grandma maybe?  Or maybe that came from the fact I was the youngest and my older sister and mum had stronger, more assertive and dominating personalities.  Maybe it was because I grew up in ahousehold of 3 females and no male figures in my life.  Virgoans/Virgins are known for being very analytical and overthink everything.  I never grew up with religious faith, thus when I had my natal astrology chart done in my early 20’s, I was blown away with the accuracy of my personality details and the outlining of situations/lessons I was attracting.  I was once told, that certain ’star signs’ like Libra have 2 sides that are trying to balance out…. Librans are always struggling to find harmony… (Another trait I could relate to)  So,  I have felt sometimes that I had 2 little voices always trying to agree  (hmmm.. the indecisiveness of the Libran) .  Can you imagine the noise when mixed with another Virgo voice??…. DOH – 3 voices – or I should say ‘opposing perceptions or views’! One of my major challenges for many years was merging the voices so they all agree and are in harmony, whilst trying not to overanalyse them.  When faced with choices I now have a much easier time than years gone by.  There are so many variables in determining how we perceive the world, how we react and what make up our attitudes, personalities etc etc.   It took me a long time to discover ‘who cares’ about the ‘what has contributed to the way we are’!!  I stopped doing this along time ago and now focus more about being the person I want to be & making the changes!!

Destiny is created by the choices we make… not the chances we take!

People come into your life for a reason.  The relationships that we share are always by choice… we create them and we chose to stay in them or chose not to… so blaming someone else for our situations in life is quite ignorant.I consider myself very fortunate to have many wonderful friendships in my life & have had the opportunities to form connections with people from ALL walks of life.  There have been a few on the way that have taught me about deception & disloyalty – so i am not deluded that they have all been positive experiences, yet they have indeed been necessary to provide me with a healthier awareness. My family relationships have provided me with enormous insights about what traits to try and develop within myself and the ones that are detrimental to my happiness. …  There has also been a handful of significant male relationships that have been beneficial in determining what ‘makes me tick’.   If I could, I would love to thank everyone that have given me the opportunities to love, to trust and to be truthful in who I am.  They have all brought me to this point in my life, whereby I have learnt from each interaction and will continue to learn from in the future.  I feel truly alive and at peace with all of my relationships in my life right now…   

July 4th, 2007

Kings of tomorrow – “Time marches on never ending… time keeps its own time”.. My life is somewhat surreal… Sometimes I feel like Carrie Bradshaw from Sex in the City… The whole 30-something unmarried girl leading a very expensive lifestyle!! Although I’m not from New York  – but living, working and playing in funky St.Kilda, Melbourne (Australia)… Unfortunately I dont have Carrie’s wardrobe or collection of Manolo Blahnik shoes.. DOH! All of my life, people have said that I should write a book… So maybe this is a trial run… But some names need to be protected!! As I would never want to hurt anyone intentionally – as everyone is on their own different journey and I respect that!! Some people aren’t ready (for whatever reasons) to be fully true to who they are – and certainly aren’t ready therefore to unveil their real self to others for fear of being judged. As Morcheeba once said ‘it’s all part of the process…’